I am by no way an authority on parenting. Until recently, I still was under the belief that a bird, commonly referred to as the stork, was mainly responsible for turning people into parents. That myth was shattered when Britney’s 16-year-old sister Jaime Lynn Spears turned up pregnant. It was then that I figured out something just wasn’t right about this stork business, lol.
But seriously, today’s topic is on the subject of lesbian parenting and a couple of things that I’ve witnessed amongst Black lesbians in particular, that got me to thinking there’s more than one type of baby mama drama.
For the record, I have no issues with lesbian parents. If that’s your thing handle it. I on the other hand have no plans of birthing any children of my own. After watching a few live births on cable television, I pretty much shut that option down. I may adopt however in the future, but that’s way into the future.
I am fascinated by lesbian women who enter into these traditional heterosexual roles within their very gay relationships. You know the ones where there’s a feminine and a masculine counterpart. And in these relationships the fem has kids, and these kids are walking around calling the stud Daddy.
I mean if you, as a grown woman want to call your partner Daddy, that’s your thing. I know lots of heterosexual women who call their husbands and boyfriends Daddy. I personally don’t call anyone but my father Daddy, but hey, that’s just me.
But back to the topic at hand…
I can’t for the life of me understand why it’s ok to allow children to refer to a female—wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, however you want to define her, as Daddy. At the end of the day, you and your partner are both women.
Now I get the female to male transgender. This isn’t about that.
This is something that I’ve witnessed on quite a few occasions between two lesbian women, usually a stud and a fem.
Now I get the stud who feels more like a man than a woman. I get the stud who doesn’t want to have a sex change but wants to be treated like a man. I get the stud who wants to be mistaken for a man. I get all of that and again, if that’s your thing…
But somehow, I just don’t think it’s fair or appropriate to make your girl’s kids (cause keeping it real, 9 times out of 10 it’s the fem with the kids) to call you Daddy or Uncle, even if the mom is cool with it.
I have friends who disagree and see nothing wrong it. I have friends who partake in the very behavior I am writing about.
I think that it’s hard enough for kids to grow up in a household with two mommies, without adding another layer.
This isn’t a rant against lesbian parenting, actually this isn’t a rant at all. It’s about the damage that could be done to children.
When they’re toddlers, your fade and masculine attire might fit into their notion of Daddy. But when they get older, they are going to know that Daddy is really a female, and then what? How do you explain to a child why they call a female Daddy?
And I personally don’t understand the mom’s that sanction this behavior. I think Black children have enough to contend with without this.
I’m not saying that children with two lesbian parents have to call them both mommies, but I just can’t see how it can be psychologically beneficial to have them calling one of their parents Daddy.
I think they’re going to have a hard enough time coming to grips with the fact that there is no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or tooth fairy without having to adjust to the shock that Daddy is a woman.
Agree or disagree?
In part two, we’ll be discussing lesbian parents who break up, and whose responsibility are the kids when the biological mom had them prior to her lesbian relationship? Is the ex partner really responsible for her kids?