Lies About Being Single At Christmas
Lie: Single people are lonely bitter bitches at Christmas.
Reality Check: Christmas ain’t got nothing to do with it.
Lie: Single people need you to invite them over to your celebration.
Reality Check: Not true. Most singles are quite content staying at home. We don’t need to be invited over. It’s a nice gesture, but not one we need. I personally have no problems with kicking it at the house with a few good movies.
Lie: Single people don’t know what to do for the holidays.
Reality Check: Not true. My house needs a cleanin’, my car needs a washin’, papers need filin’, and there’s a backlog of emails that need to be responded to…shall I go on?
Lie: If a single person isn’t part of a couple, or doesn’t spend Christmas with a couple or family, they will be miserable.
Reality Check: Most couples that have to spend Christmas with their own families are miserable. Leave us out of it.
Lie: Single people have “nowhere to go” for the holidays.
Reality Check: There’s plenty of places to go and we will go to them if we want to. Singles have more freedom during the holidays to do more than couples. A holiday is just another day. The only difference is some
stores aren’t open and the drivers on the road are three times as drunk
Second Reality Check: Singles didn’t hatch from eggs, we have families too. You’re just not likely to see us around the dinner table if the conversation is likely to focus on our singleness, when we’re having kids, or our being gay. We already have enough to worry about without that added pressure! Remember, we have to pay our own bills and hold down the fort without someone else chipping in half on it!
So what do the Black, single, and gay do at Christmastime? Heck, might as well throw New Year’s Eve in there as well, there’s only a week’s difference and chances are if you’re single on Christmas Eve you’ll still be single on New Year’s Eve.
As for me, this will be my second Christmas in a row single, so to speak. While I wasn’t broken up officially last year this time, we didn’t speak to each other until well into the New Year and shortly thereafter I had taken up residence at the Heartbreak Hotel. That is…until I reclaimed my life.
So needless to say, I am an O.G. for Christmas in 07’ having already gone through it once before and unlike last year, I will not be sitting in my bed in an eggnog coma watching The Color Purple and The Wizard of Oz while bursting out in random sobs. Today is a new day.
Now I am not a big holiday person. In fact, I was going to spray “bah humbug” on my living room window a couple of days ago but was talked out of it…for now.
And no, I’m not bitter, but like with Thanksgiving, I just don’t understand how the birth of Jesus (if that’s your religion of choice) coincides with iPods, flat screens, hissy fits in the aisles of Target, cussing out other drivers for swooping in and stealing the parking space you waited ten minutes for, and eating yourself in a coma. But tis’ the season right?
Well, on Christmas I am hanging out with my friend Kristi at the radio station since she’s on live from 10:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. DJ Kristi Lomax hosts L.A.’s only deep house and dance music show weekly on Pacifica’s KPFK 90.7 FM, Restless Soul, and back in day I use to be her intern.
Then on December 25th in my own personal ongoing protest of commercialized holidays that are designed to drive us further into debt all while we’re on the verge of a recession, I will get up at the crack of dawn and head for the hills, Hollywood Hills that is. I am going to hike, followed by my morning cup of coffee, breakfast and movies at my house for my friends who like me are either single or just protesting this whole Christmas holiday too.
One thing I can always count on is that mountain being right where I left it the last time I was there. It doesn’t make me feel unattractive, or tell me that I’m fat. Nor does it complain or just disappear and reappear when it wants to. It never ignores me or acts like it doesn’t want me around. And best of all, it doesn’t get jealous if I bring along friends. It loved me when we met and I was 236 and it loves me now at 162. I never have to cuss it out and in return, it never cusses me out. We have the perfect relationship. But my heart belongs to my HP laptop, which will be waiting for me when I get home. But if for some reason my HP and I break up, that mountain is next in line to take its place.
After all of that, I will probably have to go to my Grandma’s house and show my face, which I will dutifully do. But I will adhere to the rules set out in the post below.
If I’m in the mood, I will go to the movies to see Sweeny Todd…if I’m in the mood. I’m not trying to be around a whole bunch of Merry Christmasers, if you know what I mean. Today it’s Merry Christmas and tomorrow they’ll be calling you a Black bitch. Just keeping it real, which we stop doing the closer to the 25th we get.
Drinks and spades at my friend Nevi’s are usually in order every year and so I will probably wind down over there and then being sober and of sound mine drive my ass home so I can get up and go hiking on December 26th before doing some work and celebrating the first day of Kwanzaa at the California African American Museum.
Sounds like fun huh?
And just for old times sake, I might throw in The Color Purple.
You told Harpo to beat me
You sho is ugly
followed by my versions of
Sista you’ve been on my mind…
Maybe God is trying to tell you something
rounded of with
Celie…Nettie…Celie…Nettie (running towards each other across the field). Celie…Nettie…
By then I am usually in tears.
As for New Year’s, I’m still working that one out. I have a friend coming into town for the holiday and since I am so accustomed to sitting at home with a bullet proof vest on praying none of the bullets that those idiots shoot up into the sky come down on me, I have to do some research on parties to attend. Michelle’s XXX is out of commission until after New Year’s….bummer but I think Jewel’s Catch One is having a party and that’s right around the corner from the hizhouse…sounding good already.
As for blogging over the next week, we’ll be taking it light and easy at JasmyneCannick.com. As always, I will have my daily Kwanzaa postings through the first of the year and the year in review. Other than that…well now that really depends on my mood if you know what I mean. But no worries, if R. Kelly is picked up and thrown into jail, you can best believe I’ll be all over that.
Make it do what it do, but be safe while doing it.