I must admit that this topic is one that is near and dear to my heart.
If I had a dollar for every time one of my stud friends came to me with their girlfriend or dating problems involving a woman, a man—and yes sometimes even men…I’d be a highly paid therapist.
But nevertheless, I’ve decided to share this for free.
So this is officially going to be the first chapter in this new series exploring the dichotomy of Black women who identify as studs and their fascination with women who love men.
Now before we get started as a way of a disclaimer and a warning, I am almost certain that there are going to be some who disagree with my assessment about this longtime phenomenon. Just don’t get disrespectful with it and keep the hateration at a minimum and we’ll be cool. Remember that it’s my life, my blog, my opinion and sometimes the truth hurts.
Chapter One: Sorry But She’s Not Gay
Since the beginning of time there’s been a deep fascination of Black lesbian women who identify as studs with women who love men.
Maybe it’s the thrill of chase or the euphoric high from knowing that she sleeps with men and now she’s chosen them. What I do know is that it usually always ends the same way that it began, with a man. I don’t care if it’s 6 weeks, months, or years from now—it’s the same sad ass story.
But still, these studs still plunge forward into the abyss of eternal relationship failure that usually culminates with them boo hooing to one of their friends about how she left her for a man.
If I’m that friend, I’m going to keep it real.
Oh, she finally left you for a man. WTF did you think was going to happen? When you met her she was either with a man, waiting on the right man, killing time until her man was is released from the penn, or using you to make her man jealous and act right.
You and I both know that those kids didn’t arrive via osmosis or better yet via dildo.
Studs know from day one what the deal is and what she’s all about. It’s very similar to how heterosexual women trick themselves into believing that with them he’s going to change and be a different man. This, even though he cheated on someone else to get with them. You know what I’m talking about, but I digressed.
And they still try to act brand new when she leaves them for a man, even though all the while they were together she kept telling them, “I’m not gay, I just like you. It’s just you, it’s just something I like about you.” If that isn’t the stupidest shit I ever heard.
And to the extent that I care, these agent provocateurs make life unnecessarily hard for real lesbians (and yes I said real) who then have to deal with these emotionally damaged studs who begin to look at all feminine lesbians as being either bisexual or having secret desires for men.
The sad fact of the matter is that the women who these studs fall head over heels in love with were never gay to begin with nor were they bisexual.
More often than not they just wanted to experiment and see what it would be like to be with another woman. To be even more clearer, most of these females aren’t interested in fem lesbians—no. They only want to deal with the women who look like men, treat them like men, and fuck them like men (message!). They have no interest in reciprocity—hence their nickname “pillow princesses.”
Plainly put, they are the thorn in the ass of real feminine lesbians.
And even though these stud women try to front to themselves and their homies that they aren’t in love with these women, they are. That’s why they go freaking crazy when she leaves them for man oftentimes experiencing deep depression, crying, and self-pity. Coupled with always talking about how she did them wrong, blah blah blah.
I have no sympathy. I have no love for the sistas perpetrating and faking their way into pseudo relationships either, but I especially loathe studs who knew good and damn well what they were getting into from the jump. When they met her she had a baby or young children. That should have been hint number one. But they’re so ready to play daddy and house that they just ignore all common sense and logic that says how it begins is how it’s going to end.
And the irony in all of this is that stud women don’t want anyone trying to change them into some they are not. They don’t want to wear dresses, high heels, and makeup—but at the same time, they are constantly trying to reinvent these women and make them into someone they are not. Lesbians.
Meanwhile, the rest of us just watch from the sidelines shaking our heads out of embarrassment for the stud and disgust and contempt for the perpetrator.
Real friends don’t let friends date confused heterosexual women perpetrating as lesbians but really are serving as agent provocateurs using stud women for sexual practice and giving real feminine lesbians a bad reputation.
I don’t care how fine your friend’s new friend is, if you care about your friend, you are obligated to help her see the ugly truth before it’s too late and she’s sitting on your couch at 2 a.m. in the morning drunk crying about how she came home and found a man in her bed–because she’s not gay.