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I must admit that this topic is one that is near and dear to my heart.

If I had a dollar for every time one of my stud friends came to me with their girlfriend or dating problems involving a woman, a man—and yes sometimes even men…I’d be a highly paid therapist.

But nevertheless, I’ve decided to share this for free.

This is a new series for me exploring the dichotomy of Black women who identify as studs and their fascination with women who love men.

Now before we get started as a way of a disclaimer and a warning, I am almost certain that there are going to be some who disagree with my assessment about this longtime phenomenon.  Just don’t get disrespectful with it and keep the hateration at a minimum and we’ll be cool.  Remember that it’s my life, my blog, my opinion and sometimes the truth hurts.

Chapter Two: Now That You Can Get Married

Continuing on in our discussion focused on lesbian stud women who love women who love men…now that gay marriage is inevitable, this is not, I repeat, this is not, an invitation for you take a bad decision in dating her and make it worse by marrying her.

All together now…

She’s not gay.

I know it’s cute, the idea of getting married.  I mean what women doesn’t want to be a bride–or in my stud friend’s case a groom?  I don’t know I get confused by who wants to be called what–but you get my point.

Weddings bring all of your friends and family together to have a big celebration, etc. etc.  Lots of pictures, kissing, and well wishes from people who are smiling and congratulating you on taking the big step into marriage.  And normally, that’s a good thing.

But you know deep down inside marrying her isn’t going to make her stay with you when he gets out of prison, shows up, or decides he’s serious about settling down and raising his kids.  So don’t do it.


Say it with me. Because she’s not gay.

I’ve seen it before, and it ends badly for the stud–very badly.  You already were living together (you know us lesbians, we don’t need marriage to shack up together), but now you’re legally obligated to each other and for my California folks, we have a little something called community property and you run the risk of losing everything and having him sitting on the same couch you paid for, or even worse lying in the bed you used to share with her while you’re crying at 2 A.M. on your friends couch about how she left you.

You can’t take a confused heterosexual woman perpetrating as a lesbian but really serving as an agent provocateur using a stud woman for sexual practice and passing the time, and make her a lesbian wife.

…because she’s not gay.

So leave the marrying to lesbian couples where both partners in the relationship are confirmed lesbians and spare yourself the pain and grief that’s eventually bound to follow.  Everyone has an addiction, yours happens to be straight women.  You’re already playing house, be content with that.

No need to thank me. You are very welcome.


Chapter One: She’s Not Gay