I must admit that this topic is one that is near and dear to my heart.
If I had a dollar for every time one of my stud friends came to me with their girlfriend or dating problems involving a woman, a man—and yes sometimes even men…I’d be a highly paid therapist.
But nevertheless, I’ve decided to share this for free.
This is a new series for me where I explore the dichotomy of Black women who identify as studs and their fascination with women who love men.
Now before we get started as a way of a disclaimer and a warning, I am almost certain that there are going to be some who disagree with my assessment about this longtime phenomenon. Just don’t get disrespectful with it and keep the hateration at a minimum and we’ll be cool. Remember that it’s my life, my blog, my opinion and sometimes the truth hurts.
For Studs Who Love Women Who Love Men
Chapter Three: The Daddy Syndrome
Just like your dildo cannot impregnate her, there is no possible way you can be the Daddy to her kids.
I don’t care how “manly” you carry yourself, facts are facts. I mean it’s bad enough that she isn’t gay but to make her kids refer to you as “Daddy” is borderline child abuse in my book.
This is an especially timely subject as folks are contemplating getting hitched. Now me personally, I wouldn’t suggest making a bad decision worse by marrying an agent provocateur who is just using a stud woman for sexual practice and/or to pass the time until her man shows up—but that’s me and I digressed.
In a lesbian relationship (and that’s what I am talking about), both partners are women. Women as in female. The reality is that there is no “Daddy” in the picture.
Forcing a young child to call a woman “Daddy” is going to lead to a lifetime of confusion not to mention awkwardness when the discussion comes up among that child’s friends–and yes it will come up.
This can especially be confusing to a child who knows who their real Daddy is. Whether you like or not, her children do have a father even if he’s not an active participant in the child’s life. And most children know from a young age that Daddy’s are male and Mommy’s are female. That hasn’t been changed yet by the gay mafia.
You can take on the role of a father by doing all of the father like things with the child but that doesn’t give you the right to the name “Daddy.”
It’s up to you, the stud, butch, or whatever you want to be called, to take control of this situation and not get so into playing “Daddy” to her kids that you forget your place in her life. You are there because he isn’t. Never forget that she’s not really gay and whether it’s his choice or not to be M.I.A., you have to always remember that if he was there, you wouldn’t be. And unless he’s deceased or in prison for a really long time, at some point during your relationship, Daddy is going to show up.
So be good to her kids, spoil them, make them feel loved, but never be confused as to your role in their life or hers. But above all else, do not make her kids call you “Daddy” or allow her to allow her kids to call you “Daddy.” We have enough confused people walking the Earth today without adding to that number.
When you’re in the bedroom getting it on and you want to spice things up by having her call you “Daddy”–handle that. But when it comes to the kids, leave the wishful fantasy stuff in the bedroom.
So keep calm, and practice on.
If You Liked This, Check Out…