I love it when people come to my site one day, or read one article I wrote and then think that they not only do they know me, but that they can read me.
So I’m reading one of my Google Alerts (if you don’t know you better ask somebody) and I see a scathing post written about me on OurChart.com entitled “Don’t Hate on the Girly Girls” by Caroline Ryder regarding my Perpetrating Lesbians column that is currently in the Lesbian News but was posted much earlier on my site.
And I quote:
I’ve been tossing and turning all night because of an opinion piece I read in the latest Lesbian News. The column, by respected writer Jasmyne Cannick, was called "Perpetrating Lesbians" and was disturbing to me because it reinforced one of the least attractive things about the lesbian community—discrimination against femme women.
Before I go any further, let me tell you this was my first indication that Ms. Ryder obviously doesn’t know who the hell I am, and to be honest I’ve never heard of her either. But that’s neither here nor there, I’m not the one that wrote a scathing article about her.
My article Perpetrating Lesbians had absolutely nothing to do with discrimination against fem women. Have you seen my photo lately?
But the article did have everything to do with women, who are 99 percent of time fem, that know that they are not lesbians or even bisexual but insist upon perpetrating in an attempt to fill a huge empty void in their life other wise known as a man.
Now, to take it a step further with Ms. Ryder who is not Black and therefore not acquainted with Black lesbian culture in the way that say a Black lesbian like myself would be, this is an issue, a huge issue in the Black lesbian community of which I was specifically writing about.
Just to back it up a bit, I wrote the initial article after attending a night club in Los Angeles, a Black lesbian night club, wherein a male stripper became the center of attention and basically cleaned up. And keeping it real, I explained that it was fem women falling all over themselves for this stripper.
That’s just a fact and a scenario that’s played out far too often. How many studs do you know that practically come out of their underwear when presented with a stage with a half naked man prancing around on it? The women hollering after some male dancer are usually and almost always unequivocally fem.
And I quote:
Clearly, she postulates, the women cheering at the male stripper couldn’t have been real lesbians, could they?
Then Cannick, sounding like an insecure heterosexual man who can’t stand it when his girlfriend talks about being attracted to women, launches into a tirade against fems in general.
Caroline, to answer that first question, no I don’t think they could be, especially when prior to the male dancer coming on there were quite a few female dancers that went virtually unnoticed in comparison to him.
About feeling "used" by lesbian tourists—I feel for you, really. If you’re looking for a wife, and all you end up with are straight women seeking temporary refuge from their deadbeat men, that’s totally frustrating. But maybe, Jasmyne, you’re not looking in the right places. If I were an abused straight woman wanting some fun while the father of my four kids was in jail, I’d probably end up at some cheesy lesbian bar where one of the main attractions was go-go dancers. You know why? Because that’s what men do when they’re looking for a little fun too.
More dangerously, Jasmyne, it’s words like yours that heighten suspicion of femme-looking women in the lesbian community. Just because you’re feminine, doesn’t mean you’re an imposter. I notice that you’re based in Los Angeles, which in my experience has an insufferably cliquey bar scene, where unless you’re wearing the “newsboy cap and denim” uniform, you’re likely to have to explain yourself at some point.
No Caroline, I feel for you for it’s so obvious that you read my article and without giving any real thought or credence to the author, where she was coming, what she was writing about, and more importantly who she was writing about, decided to add your two cents.
I don’t feel used by perpetrating lesbians, as I said before, my gaydar is working well. Nor am I in the market for a wife, again if you’d done your research you’d know this.
Physical abuse and Black male incarceration are serious issues in the African-American community and not ones to be taken lightly, so please tread carefully Caroline. When I speak about the reasons why perpetrating lesbians find themselves involved with women it is not to make fun of very serious situations.
Yes Caroline, I am not only in Los Angeles, I was reared in Los Angeles. However, your bar scene sounds more like the Palms in West Hollywood, where my bar scenes are more likely to take place at Michelle’s XXX or Jewel’s Catch One over on Pico and Crenshaw Boulevards. Ya feel me? So please do not confuse your reality with mine as a Black lesbian.
The rest of Caroline’s response is so damn ridiculous I am not even going to waste my time responding to it.
But again, this is a perfect example of what happens when a person confuses their own reality as a lesbian with that of all lesbians, race and class front and center.
This ain’t the L Word and I am not Jennifer Beals or Pam Grier.
Before you decide to critique my reality, put your own in check first and take the time to step of it long enough to realize that just because someone writes about being a lesbian doesn’t mean they are writing about your reality as one.
Unless you have some keen insight from your being of Brazilian and Irish parentage on what it’s like to be Black and lesbian in America that I don’t know about, I suggest you let those conversations be led by those of us that do. In return, I’ll leave your precious L Word like reality to you to critique.
And since you’re in L.A., Los Feliz to be exact according to your bio, if you’d like for me to break this down for you in person, holla. I’m on the south side of the 10 freeway.
And to the sistas on OurChart.com that took the time to correct Ms. Ryder, thank you and it’s much appreciated.