Okay so I pull out of my driveway today and begin to make a u-turn when a car passes by me with a sign on it that reads “Rent-A-Husband” and a light bulb goes off in my head. I begin to think, “Yeah, I’d do that but with a twist.” What if there was a service for lesbians like me who don’t care to take out the trash on trash day, change light bulbs that go out, clean out the garage, light the furnace—you get the picture. Something to the tune of “Rent-A-Stud.” Has a nice ring to it. Each week like clock work she shows up and takes out my trash and does all of those jobs that I just can’t stand to do. I could have really used a “Rent-A-Stud” earlier this week before it rained and washed away a dead cat (that I did not kill but if I had I’d admit it) at the end of my driveway stinking shit up to high heaven that I had to keep maneuvering around in order to not have cat guts on my tires. Yeah, those kind of jobs… Any takers? Trash collection day is Monday. I know I’m independent and all, but I’m just saying…it’s only once a week.