No, no, no—the woman caught stalking Brittney “I Can’t Sing” Spears’ is not the woman I used to date. True, they both have an infatuation with white blonde women, but after examining the Los Angeles County Sherrif’s mug shot of the Miranda Tozier-Robbins—who was caught peering through Britney Spears’ windows—up against a photo of the woman I dated, I am 99.9 percent certain that they are not the same person. Thank you very much for your concern. I am safe from harm.