A White Gay’s Guide for Dealing with the Black Community: Chapter 4: STFU Already

A White Gay’s Guide for Dealing with the Black Community:
Chapter Four:
STFU Already

At a time when you should be apologizing to and trying to build bridges with African-Americans after exposing your closeted racism towards us over the passage of California’s Proposition 8, you’re at it again.

The man isn’t even in office yet and you are all up in arms over the inaugural invitation of evangelical pastor Rick Warren by President-elect Barack Obama just because Warren opposes gay marriage.

Look—America already knows that you are unhappy with the outcome of Prop. 8…but as discussed in previous chapters, you have no one to blame for that but yourself (Please refer to Chapters 1, 2, and 3).

Instead of denouncing Obama’s choice to invite Warren, you should be hailing it as it shows a continued effort on Obama’s behalf to reach across the aisle in an effort to bring everyone to the table. You know that thing that you haven’t quite learned how to do yet.

If no one ever told you—the world doesn’t revolve around gay marriage. If it did, let’s face it, Obama wouldn’t be the President-elect, now would he?

It’s no secret that Obama isn’t exactly the poster child for gay marriage, and for the record, neither was your Hillary Clinton. However, that didn’t stop you from voting for her or me as a lesbian from voting for him.

And please stop reminding us that you voted for Obama. You didn’t do us any favors, you did yourself one. There is no reward for that. Sorry.

Back Down Memory Lane

It wasn’t that long that then presidential hopeful Obama announced his plans to go on an “Embrace the Change! Gospel Concert Series” tour through South Carolina with gospel singers Donnie McClurkin and Mary Mary in order to drum up support for his campaign.

Well, it was no secret among Black gays that Donnie McClurkin went from being a gay man to being a heterosexual gay bashing gospel singer and preacher. Sister’s Mary Mary made it crystal clear last year in an interview with Vibe Magazine how they felt about gays when the likened them and their gay following to prostitutes and murderers.

And as usual, Black gays had to educate their counterparts of a lighter shade who hadn’t a clue about who McClurkin or Mary Mary were, and that while we were upset about their invite, we were not surprised by it because no matter if we agree with their views on gays or not, they are some of Black America’s most popular gospel singers.

Now at the time, there was an excellent opportunity to bring Black and white gays to the table to address the issue together. But sadly, that never happened. Partly I believe because your precious Clinton was still in the race and partly because your superiority complex dictated otherwise.

If you had sat down and talked with—not at—Black gays, we would have told you that forcing the Obama campaign to extend an invitation to a white openly gay pastor to address a mostly African-American audience in South Carolina, wasn’t going to win gays any fans and only further pushed the belief that whites are trying to push their issues onto Blacks. A smarter more thoughtful choice would have been someone like Reverend Michael Beckwith or Dr. Michael Eric Dyson, both of whom are highly regarded by Blacks but also get “it” when it comes to the lesbian and gay community.

So I ask once again, when will you learn?

Three Funerals and Gay Marriage

I don’t know about you, but I’d think it would be pretty hard to get married if you’ve been shot to death.

Earlier this week, it was reported that New Orleans police identified three Black men who were gunned down in a 7th Ward home. The men were apparently gay, one possibly transgender, and police “believe the three victims knew their killers.”

The victims were all from Mississippi and living together in a home on the 2500 block of Pauger Street. They are identified as Felix Pearson, 19; Kenneth Monroe, 27; and Darriel Wilson, 20. Nola.com reported the men were found Saturday afternoon after the building manager “said he saw the lower half of a man’s body through a window and called 911.”

I know that Pearson, Monroe, and Wilson, aren’t Matthew Shepard or Brandon Teena. However I’d think that in a post Prop. 8 world and in the spirit of reconciliation and being at the edge of each other’s battles, the loss of life of three gay men one of whom is possibly transgender, would be more important than some mega church pastor who doesn’t want gays to be married.

I’m just saying…your privilege is showing and I wonder if they had been three white boys would I even have to say this.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that you have a lot of work to do. You really need to step back and get over yourselves and realize that creating unnecessary drama over a pastor who doesn’t support gay marriage doesn’t rank high on the list for people who are being laid off, losing their homes in foreclosures, and even worse—losing their lives to senseless violence.

This includes criticizing the first Black president before he even takes the oath of office for doing something that you haven’t been able to do, bring everyone to the table.

Take this much to heart…your anger with Warren isn’t going to win you any fans in the Black community and only further illustrates a superiority complex that dictates the needs of white gay men and women are more important than the ushering in of a new Administration and the hope of millions for better days. It also says that the lives of Black gays are still not as important to you as your right to get married.

In closing—and this is the most important part—STFU and go somewhere already.

Now run and go tell that!


CHAPTER ONE: Stop Preaching to the Choir

CHAPTER TWO: Blaming Blacks for Whites Behavior

CHAPTER THREE: Listen to Black Gays When it Comes to Black People…Duh!

The Court of Public Opinion

  • It’s not about Warren’s opposition to gay marriage. It’s Warren’s use of rhetoric like this:

    RICK WARREN: “But the issue to me is, I’m not opposed to that as much as I’m opposed to the redefinition of a 5,000-year definition of marriage. I’m opposed to having a brother and sister be together and call that marriage. I’m opposed to an older guy marrying a child and calling that a marriage. I’m opposed to one guy having multiple wives and calling that marriage.”

    I have a problem with Obama thinking we wouldn’t have a problem with a guy who compares our relationships to incest, pedophilia, and bigamy.

    I’m starting to wish I had given the money and time I spent working to get Obama elected on defeating Prop 8, instead.

  • Jeff

    I thought I objected to Rick Warren because he compared my relationship with pedophilia and incest. His support of Prop 8 was hardly the reason I’m offended by Obama’s choice. I guess I’m wrong. (I’m a white gay male.)

    I thought I never for one second blamed black people for the passage of Prop 8. I guess I’m wrong. (I’m a white gay male.)

    I thought I supported Obama from the beginning, and Hillary was never my candidate. I guess I’m wrong. (I’m a white gay male.)

    I thought I knocked on 200 doors for Obama in the suburbs and slums outside Columbus, Ohio, because of his progressive politics and for the future of people who are living in poverty. I guess I’m wrong. (I’m a white gay male.)

    I thought I spoke out against Rick Warren for the sake of millions of gay people, men, women, black, white, Latino, other, who are living a life in the closet because gay people are still roundly loathed by those in power. I guess I’m wrong. (I’m a white gay male.)

    I thought I could multitask, taking on hunger by working with my hometown’s food bank and also opposing Rick Warren. I guess I’m wrong. I only care about gay marriage. (I’m a white gay male.)

    I always thought the marriage fight was simply a symptom of a much larger sickness that needs to be addressed, instead of the major fight of our times. I guess I’m wrong. (I’m a white gay male.)

    I never thought I’d respond to inflammatory writing by bigots on either side of the aisle, instead letting them stew in their anger. I guess I was wrong. (I’m a white gay male.)

  • I think any good points you raise are washed away by flawed logic and weirdly unnecessary race-baiting. Why, for example, address white gay people as if we were all Hillary supporters? (I was until I got to know her challenger, and I liked him better so I switched. Most of my friends were already into him or would soon be.)

    The main thing that makes me roll my eyes is when you say “the world doesn’t revolve around gay marriage.” True. But it doesn’t revolve around any issue or any group that is not in the majority, right? So when someone decries racism, should they STFU when they’re told, “The world doesn’t revolve around black people?” No way. Or, “The world doesn’t revolve around gay issues…” etc.?

    The gay-marriage issue is important because it speaks to gay issues in general and human rights overall.

    I have no problem with Obama talking with and trying to do outreach to people with different agendas than his and mine, but choosing a virulently homophobic man to perform the invocation at his inauguration is quite different—it’s a very personal seal of approval.

    P.S. I do agree with some of your points, and I liked the comment about how gay white men who voted for Obama did themselves a favor…

  • CoCo DLux

    Oh no she didn’t, but I’m glad you did.
    Truth Hurts were Truth Fits.

  • Anonymous

    Now I remember why I’m racist and hate lesbians. Thanks.

  • JasmineIsJustBitter

    people, don’t get too upset by jasmyne… she’s only being this ridiculous because she, like ann coulter, need to have the contrary opinion in order to get published and spoken about. if she wasn’t this controversial, no one would be talking about her. and that’s her worst nightmare, being a black lesbian: to be invisible and ignored. hate is now her niche, so she’s just being opportunistic. it sucks and is hurtful, but some people are just fame hungry and will provoke just to stay relevant. she’ll look back ashamed of this some day. and she’ll probably be doing so from hell.

  • Mikael

    Just a quick reminder: Obama is not bringing “everyone” to the table. There are no antisemitic leaders on his board. No racists. None. He didn’t invite leaders of gender inequality to his board. Just homophobes.

    So, next time you praise someone for “reaching out to everyone” make sure it’s everyone, or get a better opinion.

  • tavdy79

    If Obama had invited Ron Edwards (the KKK Imperial Wizard) to the inauguration, how would you (and many others) have felt? After all, as you yourself said, “you should be hailing it as it shows a continued effort on Obama’s behalf to reach across the aisle in an effort to bring everyone to the table.”

  • Ken

    Homophobia is just as ugly as racism. This is hate speech.

  • Thomas

    One more thing: The Numbers Game.

    Black people represent about 25% of the American population.

    The Civil Rights Act of 1964 would never have passed if it wasn’t for fair-minded white people. Neither would school integration in 1954. They both passed because people like MLK won over the majority based on fairness.

    Most people – both white and black – were against interracial marriage at the time that the Loving v. VA case came to the Supreme Court in 1967. The white judges on the SCOTUS rejected the lower court’s cracker argument and insisted that the Loving’s marriage was valid.

    You can bop along to your racist drum of “educating” gay white men, but the fact remains that strictly as a numbers game, you need to treat us with respect and courtesy if you hope to get what you want. We outnumber you, and we vote. I will not STFU, and I will continue to speak on your behalf.

    If you and the rest of the gay black community insist on going it alone, go for it. When you’re a dried up old leathery crone of 85, lonely and more bitter than you are now, perhaps you’ll see the error of your ways.

  • Well Ms Un-PC Jasmyne, you have said a mouth full this time, so please allow me to the same, Since we now have a Black President, all african-American need to go somewhere and STFU about slavery and being profile while driving black…

  • zoli

    If you think Obama is so great for reaching out to everyone by inviting Dickhead Warren, then he should have invited some members of the KKK and some skinheads, too. Or is that too personal?

  • Jcason

    Wow you are one bitter person. I just love how you see it perfectly OK to dump ALL white gays in one basket, and toss them overboard. Way to reach across the isle. While I have as moment let me fill you in on some breaking developments. Obviously it wasn’t totally a bad thing that some PE BO supporters got a bit ticked and made a stink. After all did BO not say he wanted to know when we didn’t agree on certain issues. Not only that but because of the up-roar it has put the homophobic bigot Warren under a spotlight, and guess what It’s opened peoples eyes. That’s a good thing. Actually its such a good thing, That his church website has had a lil scrubbing. Yep he has removed a lot of his anti gay speech. Now I think it’s time you do something about your anger issues.

  • bb

    Also, the people who are pissed about Warren have a right to be upset, AND to voice that upset. Warren’s a divisive figure, and this is a democracy.

    But people who have flipped on Obama because of it are just kinda dumb. The flippers are not the majority, though, and we shouldn’t start a group-hate baiting by pretending it is.

  • Shannon

    Thomas, If it were not for slavery and colonialism, you wouldn’t have a country to stake claims to. Don’t act all self righteous like we, as black folk, should be grateful and bow down to you because Black Civil Rights were finally realized in this country.

    Human life began in Africa. It began with African folk. If anything, you should be humble that our talents… as closer to the vine as we were, built this country for white folk… for free, as it was. Native folk died and suffered for your ‘pride’.

    I’ll never forget… I’m trying hard to forgive… but black folk don’t ‘owe’ white folk shit. Regardless of what our ancestors were considered in this country and regardless of what was taken from them… I’m not fooled by the shit ‘America’ tries to dish out to be ‘better than’. I retain my ‘religion’ I retain my ‘sense of self’ I retain the knowledge that people who were ‘gay’ in some areas of Africa were not treated like shit, like they are in America.

    Y’all created ‘race’. Y’all created this disunion that we experience in this country. Wake the fuck up.

  • Shannon

    Hell, I’m just mad right now so I’m gonna speak my piece (peace)… white folk appropriate every bit of culture from everywhere else and stake claim to it. Nothing is original besides the deep down envy, jealousies and covetous nature which y’all apparently learned in the caves y’all lived in when everybody else was simply enjoying life.

    Y’all would not have life… if it were not for Africa.

    Y’all would not have music, fashion, true spirit (not religion) if it were not for black folk in America showing y’all asses what was ‘cool’ or not. Don’t get it twisted. Some folk can see straight through you… and are angry that you think that you can put another one over on us. Tell the truth. Stop believing the bullshit you’ve been spoon fed. Some folk who lack melanin are quite good at telling the truth… those are the ones who get respect. All the other ones of y’all who keep on denying reality, scream all you want… sheeeit ‘blame it on the black folk’ like you always do… it don’t matter because we know the truth… we know your secrets and your fears… we’re just waiting for y’all to grow up enough to admit it.

    This isn’t anger, it’s righteous indignation. Not any of you… not one, is better than, or more worthy than any of us. Stop lying to yourselves. Stop trying to have a ‘darky’ to blame. Your mamas came from us… your daddies worship the true Madonna in us. You are us… get over yourselves. Stop talking and start listening. Damn.

  • tavdy79

    “You can bop along to your racist drum of “educating” gay white men, but the fact remains that strictly as a numbers game, you need to treat us with respect and courtesy if you hope to get what you want. We outnumber you, and we vote. I will not STFU, and I will continue to speak on your behalf.” – Thomas

    Right, so we’re back to dealing with the tyranny of the majority? Oh, except that you’re on the other side now. Interesting how your perspective changes, isn’t it? And you don’t even realise it’s happening.

    I may not like what Jasmyne has written (even if I can sympathise with her motives) but at least you could never accuse her of having a bully’s attitude – “treat us with respect and courtesy if you hope to get what you want”? STFU! STBFU!

  • elg

    I’m sure you know by now that Rick Warren was invited to speak at the King Memorial next month. Imagine that.

    Since you have no complaints about Warren speaking at Obama’s inauguration I’m sure you’ll have no complaints about him speaking at the King event.

    By the way, it’s not just that Warren is against same sex marriage it’s that he compares homosexuality to bestiality and child abuse. That’s why I hate him. On this, I’m with the white sissies.

  • “strictly as a numbers game, you need to treat us with respect and courtesy if you hope to get what you want.”

    That was dumber than anything JC wrote in her original post (the majority of which, I disagreed with).

    “Strictly as a numbers game” is what got us Prop 8. The majority NEVER has the right to tyrannize the majority. It wasn’t the majority that desegregated schools or passed voting rights legislation. It was African American civil rights workers who got their heads bashed in and Federal judges who said “Enough” so quit patting yourself on the back.

  • MCR

    Question: what do you say to those of us who are not white, or black, but are still gay Americans? Since, if we disagree with you, we obviously aren’t people you’re speaking for.

  • Thomas

    @ Rusty: It was African American civil rights workers who got their heads bashed in and Federal judges who said “Enough” so quit patting yourself on the back.

    Coretta Scott King would scoff at your ignorance. I’m glad she’s not around to see people like you and hate-filled Jasmyne. Malcom X, on the other hand – he’d LOVE you two.


  • Jasmine, this is my first time responding to your blog. However, I just had to extend a hearty “touche'” to this particular post! Thank you so much!
    As a gay male of the African American persuasion I feel precisely as you do. We have been governed by partisan politics and radical extremist groups for the past eight years.
    Suddenly, Obama wants to buck that trend and now he’s the next great evil to, as you call them, “The gay mafia.”

    Recently, I had my blog link deleted of an idiot’s roll simply because I remained steadfast in my support for President elect Obama. He just decided to throw the baby out with the fuckin bathwater just because Warren was invited to the inauguration. The mindset amongst people like this repulses me. Obama knew Warren’s views well. Warren even preached against voting for Obama! However, Obama still extended a courtesy to him…The President elect. To me that showcases strength, character, and a willingness to embrace change and unity.

    Sorry, but there are more pressing issues than marraige. And at this point, as a gay man, I wish the gay community would STFU sometimes. Maybe when the economy turns around people will be in the frame of mind to debate this (which I hope is very soon). Otherwise, I am broke my goddamn self. I am not worried about a wedding at this point in time. Yes, I am for gay marraige rights…However, I know we need to pick our battles wisely…And stop alienating potential allies in the process!

  • I wonder what the black community would do if Obama invite a a grand dragon of the KKK, I bet every black person in this country would be piss..

    also, it would seem that Black gays have a real problem being themselves, oops I forgot it is call DL that way you don’t have to face it

  • Uhm, as I recall the movie BrokeBack Mountain was about the DL and I didn’t see a single black person in it.

    Lastly, when Rick Warren starts burning crucifixes and staging public lynchings then will I chide Obama for having him as the inauguration.

  • Chow Chow Lips

    do ya’ll sale anti-racial “Prop-8” pantyliners?

  • Mune

    After a few days of think, I’ve changed my mind and I agree with you on this one Jasmyne 🙂

    Keep doing what you’re doing, because if it wasn’t for your articles we’d never if ever see a black gay person’s perspective out there.

  • TeacherMomof2

    Wow, I’m a straight, married female with children and I cannot believe some of the posting on here. Okay, yes, I can. The truth hurts. The LGBT community has issues with racism in its own community; yet, they are upset with the inclusion of someone who is outspoken about not caring about them. Even if he didn’t invite Warren, he would’ve chosen another pastor with the same views. You blew it. You didn’t appeal to either the black or Hispanic community and you got burned. Your rants are only helping, not hurting, the situation at hand. The truth is that gay marriage or adoption is not on the Top 10 list of many Americans as it doesn’t affect them (especially since the majority of Americans are Christian – big battle there). Inclusion means bringing everyone to the table on matters. If you don’t realize this, you won’t have it. Ignoring the masses is not a great strategy: It’s a massive fail waiting to happen. Hell, even civil rights workers had to deal with the likes of Bull Connor.

    As for the Prop. 8 thing, where’s the anti-Hispanic or anti-white venom? Blacks weren’t the only ones voting that day. California is a largely liberal state; so, it’s clear that some liberals that claimed they were anti-Prop. 8 clearly were.

    Also, please look up the definition of racism, people. It’s not that hard to realize that criticism of a given community does not equate to racism. It’s no wonder why those outside of the U.S. believe that Americans are stupid. When they don’t clearly match a word with its meaning, it’s embarrassing. I’m so tired of this lazy thought process pervading America. Criticism does not equal racism or anger. She’s part of the community.

    There are bigger issues the US needs to tackle right now.

  • Jen

    Has it suddenly become impossible to only care about the plight of more than one marginalized group? I wasn’t aware I had to pick.

    Seriously, EPIC FAIL.

  • lisa

    thomas- you have some fucking nerve to invoke the names of ANY black civil rights leaders with the blatant racism you’ve displayed. voting is a numbers game and since there are more white gays if we darkies don’t do what you like and speak in a tone that is acceptable to your virgin ears, you’ll punish us? fuck you. don’t EVER in your white privileged life bring up coretta scott king again.

    and why is always that white racists, straight and gay, as evidenced by you, LOVE to bring up malcolm x and the black panthers as though black militancy should be a source of shame? motherfucker please, as a black person i am proud of EVERY single part of the black activist legacy that has brought me to where i am today, black and damn proud of it. and here’s some food for thought for your bigoted brain: i’m also proud to be gay. if you’re so concerned with black activists, why don’t you read some audre lorde because YOU are the textbook, oblivious, reveling in white male privilege, gay white male she had problems getting her points across to.

  • hido

    WOW, if most on this site had a respectful vocabulary we might could have a reasonable conversation. This is my first time hear as I am searching various gay sites to see what the real issues are that are bothering people. The reason is I work for a new candidate that will be running for office in Denver and he wants to know as much as possible. I have been amazed to find that people are so easy to throw blame at others while not knowing realy who voted for what on election day. It’s obvious that even California is not as happy with same sex marriage as most of the country and most of the world. Obama made it very clear he opposes same sex marriage by saying marriage should be between a man and a women. Enough said. So as on person said pick your battles and also stop and realize that those you think support you really don’t. You have liberal control in the senate and the congress and you can bet you will never see same sex marriage brought to the floor for vote. You will never see don’t ask don”t tell discussed.
    The iberal party is not supporting the efforts of the gay community or the black community and it’s time we realized it. Had it not been for the Republicans wanting to help black folks have more voice we would not have the NAACP, how soon we forget.

    Let’s realize we are the minority in the black and gay population. That’s just the way it is and it is not going to change. The demographics of this county is chaning to Hispanic and that’s just the way it is. So , decide, is marriage important, it’s a piece of paper as we have heard so many times. Just try enjoying our lifes and stop pushing things on others just to piss them off. If we can learn to do that we might find we will be better accepted and we might see we do have all the civil rights that everyone has.

    This has been a problems with us for to long and I can assue you I am going to support in the future those that tell me like it is and don’t play games. I can deal with the truth which is something I have not seen on our liberal party for a long time. Truth hurts sometimes but not really knowing when someone will stab me in the back can be deadly.

    Wake up my firends we have a live to live, let’s just hope we live it free and not with socialism. That will destroy us all.

  • gch

    You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to stuff us all back in the closet. We have worked too hard for equality to let your hateful rantings stop us. The more you tell us to shut up the louder we will get. We will not go back into the closet. We will face bigotry in all forms, no matter what the color of the skin of the person that bigotry is coming from. You are a disgrace to all of us who have fought so hard to make being an openly gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered person a viable option in this country.

  • B. Crittenden Freeman

    Hello and yes some valid points that needed to be shared.
    1. The wrong information that Blacks were the swing vote
    of Prop 8.
    2. The concept of inclusion to have a positive effect on
    changing a man’s opinion.
    3. The commitment of and modeling of inclusion.

    Your words remind me of that statement Mr. Obama made when he regurgitated that “Sunday Morning may be the most segregated time of all”.

    Thank you.

  • Personally i feel that black gays (males) should not be on this site, so it should be obvious how i feel about the other people here. I mean honestly, i dont have a tiny hair desire to go to another culture’s site and dont understand the necessity otherwise. Now to Abigaggy, fruitcake! The disgust is mutual. If most straight men are flaking out, we can only guess how much oreo filling is in your cookie. Shouldnt you be fingering some old sticky wrinkled up man’s behind anyway?
    And Thomas, respect is a two way street. If there’s never been active debates or forums taken place between cultures, respect the fact that they may have a different opinion or see things differently than you. Take notes from the Asians, they are very respectful people…i.e they mind they damn business and most of the time that is the best respect. You sound like your black mailing people. If you dont respect and show courtesy you wont get what you want? If a culture can only be respected because another culture speaks up for them, what is that? You explain the basic respect given in that situation. Turn it around would you, would it make you feel respected if you have to wait on another culture so that you can be considered or heard? So my advice is just do for yourselves, don’t speak for us, then we can have that divine understanding that comes from self assessment and not lip service.

  • wow, people must have been angry about this one, huh?

    anyways, to Thomas who stated “Black people represent about 25% of the American population,” it seems you have the numbers in your Numbers Game all wrong.

    blacks make up black people make up 12.3% of the population.

    part of the belief system that undergirds racist thinking is that black people pose a physical, economic, social, and cultural threat to whites. well,….uh, it’s just not true. we’re actually more so concerned about making our lives better than encroaching upon yourselves. contrary to the sort of group threat argument your misinformation represent, blacks haven’t made up more than 15% of the population since the postbellum, Jim Crow era.

    stop being scared *rubbing you on your back* America can be a win-win society

  • Damn

    Damn, she got read by the gays.

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